Managing

The Manager does things right; the Leader does the right thing.” –Warren Bennis, On Becoming a Leader

Greetings Dear Ones,

Every day, Heartsoul walks into my shop and sighs with happiness. She sings, “This is such a beautiful space!  Look at those windows!  That Light!  All this fabric, thread, tools!  What amazing things we could create here! Let’s make a linen wrap dress—you have so much fabulous linen in that box up there… maybe some quilted hoodies… No!  Let’s do something amazing with that collection of tartan scraps!  A wall hanging depicting the Highlands maybe?” The glow radiating from her dims the dapples peeking through the trees by the window.

“No time for Creating,” snaps Prudence, “There’s too much work to do. These wedding dresses are NOT going to hem themselves. And the mending rack has been full since Prom season. Then there are all the bridesmaids’ dresses that need to be done by Saturday. Get to it!” Instantly, Brain begins to strategize.  What color is already on the machine?  Where shall we start?  Who’s deadline is most immanent? Arghhhhh!  What to do first???

Heartsoul sags…

“We never talk anymore… it’s time we have a Conversation,” she says, tugging on Brain’s sleeve.  Brain is distracted.  Brain has been distracted a lot lately.  Brain is the reason we have been breaking into the shop with a butter knife for the past three days.  Brain has no idea what happened to the keys.  Luckily, there is a spare car key, or we’d have to travel by Ox Cart and Gus and Otie can’t even manage to stay on opposite sides of a pull chain yet.  Brain starts to run in circles, flapping arms, panting.

“Conversations between Head and Heart, along with epistolary novels, went out of fashion during Thomas Jefferson’s administration,” says Prudence says dryly to Heartsoul. And to Brain, “Stop Dilly-dallying!”

“I think we need to get re-aligned,” says Heartsoul. “There’s nothing for me to do around here. I’m bored.”

“I’m not happy either,” admits Brain, turning on Prudence. “I miss Heartsoul.  I like it best when we work as a team.  We do our best work then.”

“Who cares, as long as all this work gets done,” huffs Prudence.  Disconnection between head and heart are just fine with her.  She becomes ever more brisk and bossy.

“Who is giving us all this work to do, anyway?” asks Brain.

“Our Worthy customers, obviously,” retorts Prudence. “Their needs are way more important than yours, so get going.”

“But why can’t we say ‘no’ to a few things?” asks Heartsoul. “Now you even have a workshop space at home. You work until bedtime. Then you get up and work in the morning. It never ends.”

“It CAN’T end,” says Prudence. “That’s what running your own business with a poverty mentality and steep hay bills is all about.”

“Surely we could have a few limits. Like maybe we should not return business emails and texts during non-business hours… Maybe we could not overload ourselves like this.  You cannot pour any more water out of an empty cup.”

“But then we wouldn’t be the BEST,” says The Pleaser, Prudence’s sycophantic side-kick. “We MUST be the BEST.”

We all turn to stare at The Pleaser.

“It’s YOU!” cries Heartsoul in horror.  “You are the reason we have too much work to do. And get paid so little for it!! YOU are the one promising away all our evenings and tomorrows and times to swing in a hammock with a good book, or sip tea with a friend, or sit around hugging fat little lambs for no reason except for the sheer joy of it... YOU….”

The Pleaser gives a guilty-but-not-sorry grimace-ish smile and steps slightly behind Prudence for protection.

“You realize, of course, that by agreeing to please everyone, you actually please no one. Our friends are sick of hearing we are ‘So Busy.’  Being Too Busy is an exhausting, self-consuming way of insulating ourselves from more busy-ness—some of which we might like.  With no boundaries, we actually have no choices either. No hammocks. No hikes. No choices, no Freedom, no true creativity…” Heartsoul slumps with her heart in her hands.

“This is what female entrepreneurs have to deal with,” says The Pleaser defensively. “Without Unparalleled Excellence and Accessibility, what is there to protect your reputation against bad yelps from people who could not have their ski suits and prom gear fully restored half an hour after they dropped it off?”

“But that’s the thing,” says Brain, “I’m just beginning to realize how long it takes to do all this stuff.  You’ve taken on so much, we’re lucky to get things back to people within a month.  You’ve made it so that everything is an ‘emergency.’”  Brain, thinking of several things at once, remembers last seeing the car keys in the car, and begins itching to go check. Brain disappears.

“This is hopeless,” says Heartsoul. “We have this fabulous business we have created—the three of us—Heart, Head, Hands, and we do wonderful work for wonderful people.  We love what we do. We love whom we serve. Why does it feel so overwhelming?”

“Well,” says The Pleaser, “I guess we love it so much, and we know we could love and serve more people, so we need to do More.”

“Sometimes Doing More is actually Doing Less,” says Heartsoul sadly. “People don’t get the same service.  They start to think they need to call ‘to check on their things’ and give sweet, subtle complaints such as ‘I was just wondering…no rush of course…but…’  So how do we remedy that?”

“Easy,” says Prudence. “You simply Work Harder.  You work at night. You work at home. You decide that work is really your ‘play’ and that you don’t need friends, or relationships of any kind.  You get addicted to the satisfaction of completing things, instead of dancing or playing your fiddle.  You Keep Calm and Sew On.”

Heartsoul is too sweet to even think of kicking Prudence in the shins so she just wilts with weariness.  There is no fight in her—just a longing for Authenticity, Connection, and Beauty united to Purpose.

 “This is Survivorship,” she muses. “I didn’t come here just to eke out survival. I came with a Gift, to Share, to Shine, and also to Receive what it is I need, in order to keep on Giving.  This is what a lot of artistic people face and why there is so much Mending that needs to be done among the population of Sensitive Souls who substitute monetization, obligation, or mere production for Creatorship.  This is what happens when we allow certain pressures to mold us in ways that seem “good” but are ultimately destructive, ways that ultimately sever us from our true Purpose.” 

“Morality requires us to put the collective interests of a group ahead of our own needs,” reminds Prudence. “We are born into families, relationships, bonds of kinship and community.  Our safety is contained within our membership to our group and its fate. It borderline Immoral to put your own needs first.”

“But what about the other side of the Golden Rule?” asks Heartsoul. “Are we not also instructed to treat ourselves with the same love, respect and dignity with which we treat others?”

Prudence is Silent. She would love to contradict Jesus, but she doesn’t dare.  We have her there. Brain, who has returned triumphantly, car keys in hand (they were wedged in a sun visor between the car seats), seizes the advantage.

“We can be doing perfectly “Good” things but if they are not actions that connect, motivate, and inspire us—what good will they be? How long can we run a vehicle on one tank of gas alone? Provided we can still locate the keys…” says Brain, smugly dangling them in front of us. “Knowing How to do something is great fun.  But that fun fades when we forget WHY we are doing something and we just keep doing it without Heart.”  Heartsoul smiles gratefully.

“What if we really do feel and think more in terms of a true Collective Mentality?” asks Heartsoul. “What does that look like?”

“Now you’re talking!” says Prudence, approvingly.

“Ah!  But ‘We’ are not outside of ‘Them,” says Heartsoul slyly.  Prudence’s eyes narrow.

“WE,” continues Heartsoul, “are Connected to a dynamic, playful, consciousness—a wide swath of The Fabric of Life—of which we are a beloved and worthy part. To Mend or heal any part of that fabric is to serve the Whole (and the Hole). To take good care of ourselves IS to take good care of each other.”

“This sounds a lot like New Age Narcissism disguised as embroidery, stitchery without function, N-Bell-ishments, on the Fabric of Humanity,” says Prudence warily.

“It isn’t,” insist Brain and Heartsoul, holding hands. “It means that if we adhere to regular business hours, if we operate with Integrity, Honesty, and Clarity, we will actually serve our people better and we will not be tempted to crawl headfirst into a bottle of Scotch the next time the Iron spits more black shit on a wedding dress.  Nor will we procrastinate by spinning yarn when we should be paying bills.  Doing what Jack Russell and Jodi Marquis, in their book Self-Sustaining Leadership, call “the right thing for the right people at the right time based on increased self-knowing” is what will lead us from gritty, tear-streaked survival to actual Creatorship.”

“I would love that so much!” says Heartsoul hopefully.

“All we have to do is take inspired action on the Right tasks,” says Brain. “No matter how much we love them, people do not get to come into our life, or our shop, or our home, and take from us our time or energy or resources without our permission, unless they are an elderly canine or an incontinent lamb. We must stop issuing permission to anyone else!! Ok Gang, who wants to be in charge of Boundaries?”

Everyone falls silent, even Prudence.  She loves restrictions but restrictions and Boundaries are not the same thing and she knows it. Boundaries, especially those that allow us to fill up with Infinite Love of all we are and all we do, are not on her list of favorite things.  She is addicted to being Needed and Resentful.

“How about…” says Heartsoul, whispering softly, kindly “we all agree to TRY to love each other more dearly, just as we are. How about we accept our flawed results and grandiose intentions ‘to be and do Our Best,’ even when we fail.  Just for today, we stop telling everyone how busy we are and tell the truth about our abundance. Let’s stop saying ‘Yes’ to things that make us feel tired and crummy; saying ‘yes’ because we did not know how or why to say ‘no;’ saying ‘yes’ because we were actually seeking attention, approval, or reward, rather than giving from the heart?”

How about we only say YES because we are truly giving, not seeking? How about we call an end to the conflict between fixing what is broken and creating something different. What if they were one and the same?

With Sew Much Love to you all, Dear Menders!

Yours Aye,

Nancy