“You know you are getting old when it takes too much effort to procrastinate.” (source unknown)

Greetings Dear Ones!

How are you doing with that Baby New Year of yours? Is it smiling, giggling, burping and cooing like an angel or is it just one exploding nappy full of poop after another? Has it hit the tantrums, teething, we-need-endless-amounts-of-whisky-on-the-gums (your gums, not theirs) stage? Are you ready, as I was following the births of both of my human children, to take this baby back to that very nice midwife who handed it to you and say “Could you please take this for a few weeks and credit my account? I’ll be back for it, I promise. It’s just that I don’t have the foggiest idea what I am doing right now; I can’t handle it and I am in desperate need of a big fat nap!” If history is anything to go by, you will be forced to take that baby home with you and simply muddle through until you both reach that blessed middle ground where neither of you needs to wear diapers and the fruit of your loins is occasionally gracious enough to teach you how to use those mystery functions on your cell phone. (Usually by age 3…)

Well, my Baby New Year is off to a GREAT start. I’m getting positively LOADS done. I’ve done a bunch of laundry, reorganized the fridge (i.e. eaten all the leftovers), learned some new tunes on the harp, done three minutes of AB workouts, thoroughly cleaned the wood stove and spread the ashes on the garden, de-Christmas-ed one room of the house (simply by piling the decorations in another room), and started to de-clutter the cellar. I’ve planned out where the spring lambing pens will be built and decided which flowers would look best in that awkward spot behind the house. (Sunflowers!) I’ve ironed all the napkins and cleaned up at least one bug cemetery/spider crime scene from the bathroom windowsill. I’ve “liked” several hundred things on social media venues and hyper-focused for several hours on removing that weird gunk that gets stuck between the shower door and the tile. I’ve even spent an entire afternoon attempting to build a bull-proof wooden platform for the water tub in Gus & Otie’s pen, depriving them of the joy of flooding their stall and wasting their bedding on a daily basis.

Yep, life is getting nothin’ but warmer, cleaner, drier, Better around here!

Want to know the secret to my phenomenal productivity? I’ll tell you. (I’m that kind of gal…) The way to get a lot done is: You Are Supposed To Be Doing Something Else.

Set yourself a Noble Ambition—something that will actually make the world a better place, such as writing a best-selling novel (the proceeds of which will be donated to helping the homeless), curing Cancer (or running a marathon that funds such research), promoting Peace in the Middle East (or anywhere at all), or removing every last sheep turd from your vehicle… then spend four hours knitting a sock instead.

It’s amazing what you can get done when you are supposed to be doing something else.

Got ten pairs of pants in ten different colors, textures, and fabrics to hem by tomorrow morning? Need to get the shoulders up two inches on a Mother-of-the-bride gown that is totally encrusted with beads? Wouldn’t NOW the perfect time to get out the tiny Hoover attachments and dust behind the thread rack and oil all the machines? This is the secret of how I “work” myself into a frazzle and still have nothing done by the end of the day. Honestly, if I get any less done, I’m soon going to require a proper vacation!

I did so much “nothing” yesterday that I can barely walk upright today. I found out that I could balance a piece of plywood on a ball and download an app on my phone that enabled me to simulate “hang gliding” over a jungle. I had to use my core muscles to swerve to avoid hitting trees and birds and other objects. I spent three minutes terrorizing what the Germans call der Kummerspeck—literally, my “sorrow bacon”: that excess pudge we get around our tummies from comfort eating. All while NOT putting a new zipper in an anorak for a man who wants to go skiing some time before 2035.

As I try to get myself organized for the New Year, New Me keeps discovering that the Old Me is up to her old tricks. (I simply had no idea how many cobwebs I had in my home until I realized it was Wednesday again and I needed to write a Blog.) Whatever “Crastinating” is, I seem to be extremely PRO. “Rast-in-ate” sounds a bit like my friend from Belfast telling me to “Rest and Eat.” These are always Good Ideas. But when you have done enough of these, there are plenty of other excuses NOT to climb up that hill in front of you just so you can shine your light for all to see…

“WHY do you do this to yourself??” Shrieks Prudence. “I thought this was going to be the year you finally got your shit together, and not leave it all over the back seat of the car.”

Unfortunately, Old Me is flaking out on all of New Me’s Good Intentions.

Naturally, We are handling this like a compassionate Adult—approaching with Curiosity, not Judgment. We slipped Prudence some laudanum, clobbered her over the head with her Bible, and gagged her with her own pantyhose. And…After extensive Kindly Mindful Adult Introspection, it turns out that there’s a jolly good reason I am not doing What I am Supposed To Be Doing:

It’s Hard.

What I Am Supposed To Be Doing is really HARD.

It’s unbelievably stressful to run a business, decide how much to charge (what is your precious time worth?), do Good Work, show up on time, get things done efficiently, pay all the bills, remember appointments and deadlines, and eloquently and authentically express yourself artistically, spiritually, and emotionally with Love and yarn and Kindness for All. It’s especially hard to rock these woolen, hermit granny fashions when der Kummerspeck leaves me only two options—breathe normally or get the zipper up.

I don’t know about you, Dear Ones, but when I find myself getting in my own way, over-doing the under-doing, Old Nancy has a variety of Go-to options. Carefully and compassionately, let us examine each one:

The number one favorite, of course, is to blame someone else. This must be “Someone’s” fault. Someone is that character always lurking in the shadows at the Land of Lost Plots. As in “Someone left the key turned and drained the battery…Someone spilled the [thing that got spilled]…Someone didn’t shut the [thing that should have been shut] and now all the [cows, chickens, corduroy clothes] are missing…Someone really should clean all the poop out of this car…” “Someone” is clearly leading a life of thoughtless, petty crime and I am the undisputed Victim.

The Second Option develops from number one, but expands into its own entity, given enough churning. I start having random thoughts about ALL the people (everywhere) and all the things out to get me. I have never seen their literature published anywhere (they are too clever) but I am convinced that there is an enormous and ubiquitous Society Dedicated to the Thwarting of Nancy Bell. They have offices in every county, every city, every nation around the globe. Alerts go out, the moment I leave home, signaling a carefully choreographed network of members to drive like imbeciles or establish endless phone trees when all you want to do is talk to a bloody Customer Service Representative. (An unbloodied one will do!) Lights go red. Generators go out. Clocks lose time. The whole country seems to be run like Southwest Airlines.

The Next Option is to develop a series of Delusions. For instance, I am pretty sure that if I just lie down and binge watch Season 5 of “The Crown,” I will suddenly, Miraculously, be filled with so much energy that I will leap to my feet and put a whole new lining in that jacket that has been hanging dejectedly on the “to do” rack since November. (“Actually,”chokes Prudence, muffled by the pantyhose, “October!”) Somehow, I believe this Pause will be so effective and gather so much momentum within me, that I will explode with energy and the increased efficiency will more than compensate for the preliminary Slacking. I’ll get ten things done in the time it took to do None.

One of the most dangerous Delusions is that procrastinating is really a form of Self-care. I NEED to avoid doing What I Am Supposed To Be Doing because I am already doing “too much.” My inner victim wants you all to know that you have No Idea how hard I am always working. To get One thing done, I have probably had to do thirty—like simultaneously groom the dog, doodle on the grocery list, spend time trying to decide which of the daily photos of the darling bullocks is actually the cutest and therefore destined for Instagram, (They all are!) all while watching two guys called Joe and Larry do amazing Latin duets on harp and banjo on YouTube.

Wise me knows that in order to make the changes I want to make, I need to do LESS, not more. I need only to live One Day and do ONE Thing. Just One. And it needs to be The Thing I Am Supposed to Do: That Really HARD thing I don’t want to start but which I know is the true work of my soul—found only in the union of the love of my heart and the work of my hands. Deep down, I know that if I do not do this Hard Thing, something incalculable will be sacrificed. I am here to do this thing. I know it. If I don’t, no amount of filling Time will fill the Void.

What is your One Thing, Dear One? How can I help remind you that we love you dearly and we need Your Gift?

Me? I’m going to go hem some more pants. That is, um… if the oven is really clean.

Let’s keep mending! I love you Sew Much!

Yours aye,

Nancy